Sucide Prevention Month

hi guys,

i know, i know, i haven't posted in a while. and im really sorry. to be quite honest, i cannot promise that i will post frequently. i know i said i would try to make it a weekly thing in my last post, but its really hard to keep up with when there's so much going on around me.

i wanted to post tonight in honor of suicide prevention month.

about a year ago, i hit rock bottom. i truly felt horrible every single day of my life. i was being bullied and had experienced a really really bad break up. i had a strong desire to just go to sleep forever. i was apathetic to all aspects of life. i saw no point in anything. i remember so many nights sitting with my mom sobbing, telling her i couldn't take it anymore, as she begged me to fight for myself. i told her i didn't want to. most of that time in my life is a blur. i didn't think i would make it to graduation. i didn't want to make it to graduation. before that i didn't get it, how someone could possibly feel so bad that they believed no longer being here was the solution. but now i do. i'm sure its a different experience for everyone, but for me it was waking up with dread every single day, wanting to sleep through any sort of event like homecoming or football games so i wouldn't have to sit, thinking about the fact that i was alone and had no friends. i spent a lot of time sleeping. i was either filled with sadness, anger, or complete apathy. 

but then, slowly, it got better. and i didn't do it on my own. i couldn't have done it on my own. for personal reasons, i'm not going to share what pulled me out of the place that i was in. i'm just here to tell you that it can get better. i know everyone says it, but i'm living proof that if you push through and take it one day at a time, you will eventually be ok. no, not everyday is bad. you're going to have bad days, even after recovery. i don't have advice for every situation, all i can tell you is that it will be okay. you have so much more to live for than you think. 

i would've missed out on meeting so many people who love me, listening to new music i adore, and so so much more. 

let this be your sign to stay. 

if you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to 988 for support.

luv.xoxo