18th birthday + end of summer

hey everyone!

i'm finally 18! but i dont think im as happy as i should be. im leaving for college sunday, this is an exciting time in my life, but truthfully im really sad. its not because i have friends i will miss, but because i don't want summer to end. i have the most fun job as a camp counselor and i genuinely wish i could just do that like forever. i wanted this summer to never end, but it went by SO fast. it seems like it was just the 4th of july. im genuinely so sad that next week im not going to walk into camp in the morning and see my friends and wait for my campers to come. i know i'll be back next year, but a bunch of people are leaving so it wont be the same. i have a lump in my throat right now. 

at the same time, i wonder if maybe im not actually sad about camp ending and im moreso just sad that this part of my life is over and i'm never going to live with my family every day of the year. i have to meet all new people and figure things out- everything will just be SO different and im so scared. i was excited a week ago, but now that its so close im terrified. going to college has always felt hypothetical almost, i've always thought of it as "oh that's something i'll do when im older" and now i AM older. i know that i will have fun, im just so scared of change. very emotional day for me.

growing up is scary.

luv.xoxo